is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
