You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
