This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I think your dad took our porno
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
