im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
