i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
