I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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