Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just blew my weed a kiss
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize