Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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