I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
