THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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