everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
love makes seman taste better
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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