FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize