i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
