I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
it was like eating out sand paper
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
