i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
