take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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