Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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