sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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