If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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