Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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