The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
