Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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