ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
