I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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