I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I wear drunk well.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize