So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
