From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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