she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
