I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
