WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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