I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
