Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
