Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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