the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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