I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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