Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
