You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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