so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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