Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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