i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
