a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
