holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
