Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
