question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
