either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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