Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
