I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
