i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
