That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
