You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
