He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
this beer tastes like vomit already
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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