I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
