ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
