she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
