i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
