Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
