P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
