Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
