awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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