her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize