I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
