We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize