You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
