I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
