I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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