I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
