If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
