when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Randomize