And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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