Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
