3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
