Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
