I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize