I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i think i have two assholes
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
