"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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