i may or may not be watching the land before time
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize