she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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