U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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