BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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