Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize